I can't do this to myself anymore. I keep saying, repeating it in my head over and over and over again but i don't listen. So i have another drink, trying desperately to be social, talk and smile. Be interested, ask questions, bop your head up and down. I'm trying to be enthusiastic about this band but can't too many shit heads, scenesters, and trendsters, wanting to be seen.
Staying up until 4am and waking at 9am isn't what a responsible young women should be doing. I'm too old for this shit, i know. I can see it in my eyes, but i don't care enough. The iced peas i hope will do the job and I'm hoping my genes will help me as well.
It will only be a little while longer until i graduate. Five more classes to be exact. I don't know if i will stay here or go back home to California. I've been noticing a lot of shit talking about California lately. I don't know why Portlanders hate California so much. Maybe cause it's always sunny there.
Future plans are always hazy.I use to think everything was very clear cut with my future. I once had a fiancee and conversations about marriage and children. I can't stress enough how happy i am now that didn't happen. Nonetheless i got fucked around, by who? or what? not sure. I'm thinking maybe God, laughing at me for trying to make plans for my "perfect future". I am now way behind the curve. It's okay, i tell myself i've learned a lot in the process. Yea i've learned a lot.
I'm thinking Buenos Aires next. I've heard good things.
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